My heart

Wow I am writing a lot today.  I have written about having to put my other dog to sleep about 7 1/2 years ago.  Well a few months ago I had to put down my heart.  She was about 1 month shy of 17 and I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would have her that long.  Over the last year of her life we had several ups and downs that included a cancer diagnosis.  Luckily it was very slow spreading and I was told she was likely to die of old age before the cancer got her - they were right.  All was going as well as could be expected until she woke me up early one Saturday morning in May having a seizure.  It was one of the most traumatic things I have ever dealt with.  I held her not knowing when it would stop or if it would kill her.  When it was finally over she was just laying there not responding and I knew that was it.  I was lucky that she recovered enough to give me a couple of days with her before I let her go.  I don't think I have cried that much aside from when I lost my grandparents.  I loved my boy and was devastated when I had to let him go, but my princess had my heart.  She was MY dog and I doubt I will ever have another that takes so much of my heart.  I am glad I still have the bane of my existence because he really helped me in the couple of weeks after she died.  He acted like nothing had changed and I tried to follow his messed up example. Nothing will ever take her place, but I can try and fill the giant hole in my heart by helping other animals in need.  She was my first foster and first foster fail. I will continue to foster and volunteer in her honor.  She was there for me when I needed something to hang on to and a reason to get up everyday.  I know I will be able to help another dog find it's forever family just like she was mine.