As I live the last hours of my fourth decade I wonder how I got here. I am happy, although I was a lot happier several months ago before I met Ivan. He was a huge wake up call causing me to see what I am missing out on in life. Despite the fact we didn’t work out, he made me realize how much I missed.

1. He made me realize that I want to get out into the dating world again.

2. He made me think about someone else besides me. I wasn’t always successful, but having someone care about what makes me happy makes me want to try and make them happy as well. It’s just going to take me a little bit more time to adjust.

3. He made me remember how much I love sex.

4. He also introduced me to showering with someone. It can be a lot of fun.

5. He made me reconsider kids. I hadn’t thought much about having any in a very long time, but now I have started rethinking that. I know I don’t have much time, but the possibility is still there.

6.  Lastly, he  talked about how we were put in each other’s path. I am beginning to think he was right but not for the reason he  thought. I think maybe he was  put in my path so he  could bring me out of my shell. He has really helped me put some things in perspective over the last 6 weeks.

So going forward, I have put myself back out there and have been on several dates already. As I get ready to celebrate turning 40, I realize my life is still ahead of me and I am optimistic about meeting someone who is right for me. It may be that someone I already know will be right for me or maybe someone I have yet to meet. I also know that there are a lot of things I still want to try and getting out of my rut will help me discover what is still out there for me.

Well it’s  been a long while since I posted last. But I met a guy about a month ago and was smitten. We talked every day and I felt like we were getting close. I finally went to visit him this past weekend and thought it went well despite a few hiccups. It was awkward but I figured it was a learning curve since it has been so long since I dated anyone. Well he told me he doesn’t think he wants to talk to to me anymore because we have different lives. He thinks we don’t have as much in common as he thought. But I don’t feel like we got a real chance to talk about much of anything despite spending so much time together. I also feel like I could have really fallen for him despite some of his quirks that are a little different from what I am used to. We are going to talk tomorrow when I get home and I am not sure how to approach the situation. I want to continue seeing him even though I know it will be hard. I just need to figure out how to tell him how I feel without sounding crazy.