Here I am again smh! The younger guy I was seeing reached out some months ago to tell me how sorry he was to hear about my princess passing away. To be honest I was really surprised to hear from him - things did NOT end well at all. I was actually happy to hear from him and we began speaking a little bit with each other. I was seeing someone else at that point but we kept it platonic. As my other relationship ended we kind of fell back into how things were before we had the massive falling out. It was something I most definitely did not expect but was honestly happy about. Despite how things had ended with him, I quickly discovered that my feelings for him had not changed.
Once things really began again I was happy at first. However I started to feel like I was not as important to him anymore. I sort of felt like an afterthought sometimes and it made me somewhat resentful. I mean i was totally on board with his work and the time he spent with his dog (who is an absolute doll). But I really felt as so though too many plans I made with him were falling through. I do not believe he was cheating on me, he really isn’t that kind of guy, but at least cheating would have made a kind of sense to me. I think the biggest issue for me was the fact I was always happy to be spending the time with him as he was able but then feeling like a booty call because it was alway late at night and not often. When we were seeing each other before it was 3-4 days a week and now it was one.
There was also the issue of him thinking I was blaming everything on him but I wasn’t. I know I am not always the easiest person to get to know and there were times we had plans and I changed them. But what made me feel the worst is that he said I was only thinking of myself. I do understand the position he is in and that he isn’t always available but when I told him how I felt he made it sound like it was always about me. Are my feelings less important than his? Are my feelings wrong? How did we go from talking about the possibility of exchanging keys to break up in two weeks?? How is it that I am crying AGAIN! I hate that everyone always thinks about how strong and stoic I am but in reality my feelings are quite fragile.
As much as I care for him, maybe love, I think we have a fundamental problem that we can’t get past. Maybe if he was more empathetic to my feelings or maybe if I saw myself the way he does, things would be different. But we can’t seem to find a common ground there. Despite everything I don’t wish him any unkindness and I hope we both can find what we are looking for and be happy.
